You’ll all be very glad to know that I’m going to start a new thing today: Weird Wednesday. I’m just gonna try it out at first, see if it works out. I might keep doing it, I might not. We’ll see.

But what is Weird Wednesday, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. I’m going to go to Wikipedia, click on a random article, and write about whatever that article makes me think of. I think it’ll be a good practice in writing, thinking, and just making stuff to put on my blog. So let’s get started!

I’ll just go over to my Wikipedia…click on English…go to a random article and…

Immigration. Immigration for the first one? That’s not really weird, Wikipedia. It’s pretty far from what I was going for, actually. I was kind of hoping it would be something more like the Winchester Mansion or some long outdated practice for making paper… I’d really rather not. Let’s keep this civil, alright. I’ll just click on random article again and see…

CARE BEARS. That’s it. That’s perfect, exactly what I was looking for. It’s random. It’s ridiculous. It’s definitely weird. Care Bears it is. Get ready, everyone. The first inaugural Weird Wednesday is kicking off, and we’re going to talk about the Care Bears.

First of all, what the fuck is up with these things? What sick, sadistic freak genetically engineered bears with things inside their stomachs? Hold on, let me do some research real quick.

Okay, apparently these things are called ‘belly badges.’ So someone actually sewed these things onto these poor bears while they were in captivity. We can only hope that they anesthetized them first. Same goes with the colors. Why are they all different colors? Did this dude paint them? Dye their hair? If this was real life, PETA would be all over this sick fuck.

There’s also some extreme segregation and class discrimination in the Care Bears universe from what I’m seeing. The bears live in Care-a-lot, while the Care Bear Cousins (every other animal: lion, pig, raccoon, dog, etc.) live in the Forest of Feelings. What, the other animals aren’t good enough to live in Care-a-lot with the bears? What’s up with that? They have to live out in the cold, dark forest where they’re exposed to the elements?

It sounds to me like the Care Bear society is a modern feudal state. The Care Bears run the show, obviously, and subjugate the masses to their bidding, only going to them for help when they need it, never allowing them the same advantages that they have in their high, cushy castle.

That’s kid’s shows, man. They’re all kinds of wrong. We all think they’re fine and dandy when we’re young, looking at them with a child’s eyes, but when you grow up and look back at them, you say to yourself ‘Man, this show is fucked up.’

My wife and I watched The Big Comfy Couch Christmas Special last year, and holy crap that show is weird. I never watched it as a kid. She swore by it. She said it was one of her and her sisters’ favorite shows and that she had such good memories of it, so I agreed to give it a watch. But it really raised more questions than it answered.

Think about it: Where are this girl’s parents? Why does she have this huge couch? What does she do for money? Does she have a job? And then you’ve got her super creepy puppet friend thing. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t move. She just telepathically mind-melds with her friend and tells her to kill all humans.

And why are they all clowns? Where does this clown society live? All her neighbors are clowns, too, and they all immigrated to wherever it is they live now (the show is shot in Canada, so let’s go with Canada). Is there a clown country somewhere in the old USSR that they all came from? Why did they leave? These are the questions that need answers.

Huh. Look at that. We ended up talking about immigration after all.

Weird.