Today was my first time voting in a primary election.

Research candidates – Check

Find my nearest polling place – Check

Drive to my nearest polling place – Check

And then it happened.

I don’t know if this occurs every time you get to a primary election, so let me know if this is a common occurance, but the second I stepped out of my car I was hounded by people brandishing signs, shaking maracas, and yelling at me telling me who to vote for.

‘If you’re voting in the democratic primary today I’d love to get a chance to talk to you!’ one woman said.

‘Sir please consider voting in the republican primary,’ another man shouted.

‘I’d sure love it if you’d choose my son Nico for DA!’ suggested a woman as I walked in the door.

There are a couple things that bothered me about these statements.

A) Does this lady really think she’s going to change my mind about who I’m gonna vote for three seconds before I’m about to walk in the door? Is anyone actually going to a primary thinking to themselves ‘Man, I’m really not sure who I want to vote for so I can probably not vote for them in November. My mind is completely clear and I’m open to the ideas of others.’

B) Does anyone go into a primary not knowing what party they want to be a part of? I understand that some people don’t identify as a republican or a democrat and that some people find themselves there in the middle of the road only making a decision when necessary, but…seriously? You think that as I’m walking up to the door you’re going to say ‘Hey man, you should vote in the republican primary and pick who I’m going to vote for in November.’ But…why?!

C) No. I will not vote for Nico Lahood. I will never vote for someone who tells people not to vaccinate their children because vaccines cause autism. Nope. Nope nope nope never ever never. End of story.

It was an interesting process, I’ll give it that. I know I live in Texas where we have partisan judges, and we get to vote for judges that get seats in the court of appeals and circuit courts and whatnot, but I had no idea that there were so many judges and shit to vote for. I mean, the last 8 pages were all on judges. Except for the last three pages that were all basically trying to see whether or not I’m a communist.

Ahhhhhh voting. It’ll never make sense, will it? Each time I go, I try to be as prepared as possible, but there’s always something to throw me for a loop.

America!