Last time:

“Get a team of your best soldiers ready. I want you there before they land. Got it?”

“Yes sir.” I stood up, clicked my heels together, and saluted.

The room grew quiet. Too quiet. All of a sudden, one of the Secret Service agents next to the President began laughing hysterically. He then proceeded to point towards me.

I looked down. “Ah,” I reached to my crotch and pulled my robe together once more. It must’ve come undone while I was sitting in the chair. “There we are.” I clicked my heels and saluted once more, this time a little more professionally.

As I exited the room. I couldn’t believe it. Partly because I was half asleep, and partly because I had just heard the first alien life we’d ever come in contact with.

A lot of people seem to think that mankind has been in contact with aliens from the beginning. Hell, even back before there was writing people carved images on the sides of caves depicting strange beings up in the sky.

Well, I’ll tell you now, and this is 100% on the record, we’ve never seen an alien before. Not in the history of the world. Now, I’ve seen files you wouldn’t believe. Read reports that have been locked away for decades. I’ve even been to space. The government’s done some pretty messed up stuff. But aliens? Nope. Never. Not a single tiny green man, spaceship, or piece of alien technology has ever been found here.

But, I digress. I walked into my office and started making phone calls. The patsy that had escorted me out of the briefing room was still standing quietly by the door. “Go get me a cup of coffee, wouldja?” I shooed him out of the room as quick as I could.

After he left, I finally got a hold of Mark over at Central Command. I told him to gather the Seals and have them on standby. When he asked why, I just told him “The biggest mission of their lives.” I’ve always had a flare for the dramatic, and I don’t think there’s a better time to be dramatic than now.

Everything was quite for the next week or so. The transmissions were still coming in, but the kid didn’t end up reporting back to us with the latest translations until a week after our first meeting.

He stumbled into my office carrying a foot-high stack of papers in his arms.

“So what’s the word, kid?”

He set the stack of papers down onto my desk with a loud *thud*. “Well, sir. I believe that we’ve caught up enough now that we’re translating live transmissions from the ship itself. I’ve brought you the last week’s worth of data, sir. It’s right here.”

“So… What’s it say? I don’t have time to read through all this.” Truth is, I do have enough time to read through it all, but what’s the point of being the highest ranking member of the military aside from the President if you can’t boss people around every once in a while?

“Not very much, sir, to tell you the truth. From what we’ve gathered, it’s a husband and wife. Well, a couple, I guess would be the correct term. He seems to be rather steadfast on the direction he’s going. They’ve looped around Jupiter about 14 times by now, I’d say.” He flipped open to a page halfway through the stack on my desk and pointed to a line on the paper.

“Muriel, if you tell me that you ‘swear you’ve seen that rock before’ one more time…”

 “It’s actually quite amusing, sir. Nevertheless. I’ll leave this here with you, sir, and inform you if I become privy to any new information.”

He slid his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose and stood at attention, saluted, and turned towards the door.

“Don’t salute me, you idiot,” I sighed to him as I turned him around and pushed him towards the door. He mumbled something on his way out, but I didn’t quite catch it.

 

Check back tomorrow for the next installment of “Hi! My Name Is _____.”