Hi! My Name Is _____. Part IV

Last time:


“Muriel, if you tell me that you ‘swear you’ve seen that rock before’ one more time…”

“It’s actually quite amusing, sir. Nevertheless. I’ll leave this here with you, sir, and inform you if I become privy to any new information.”

He slid his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose and stood at attention, saluted, and turned towards the door.

“Don’t salute me, you idiot,” I sighed to him as I turned him around and pushed him towards the door. He mumbled something on his way out, but I didn’t quite catch it.


“Sir! Sir!” The kid burst through my door like a ton of bricks. I was asleep on my sofa at the time, but his … slight interjection woke me. At least I think it did.

He ran to the sofa, bent over me, and started shaking me violently. “Sir! Sir! You’ve got to get up, sir! They’re coming. We know where, we know when. We can even see them through the satellites.” My eyes were still closed. “Sir?” He continued to shake me.

I opened my eyes wide and shouted “Boo!” Haha… Got him. The kid jumped back like a kangaroo, grasping at his chest the whole way. “Whadya want, kid?”

“Jesus Christ! You… Sir, you nearly killed me.” He stood there for a moment catching his breath. “Yes. Anyway. Sir, we need you to come right away. There’s been a breakthrough with project ‘Ask for Directions’.”

“What a stupid codename…” I thought. “Who came up with that?” I swung my legs off the sofa. “Must’ve been Mr. President and his crack team of geniuses.” I stood up.

We started walking down the hallway towards the elevator. Nothing was out of the ordinary. But as we started going down to central command, you could hear the ‘Red Alert’ buzzer growing louder and louder. When we walked out of the elevator, the room was abuzz. People carrying stacks of paper running this way and that, commanders shouting orders back and forth. The peons saluted me as I walked by. It’s good to be the general.

Once we arrived in the conference room, I saw the president pouring over a stack of documents with a cup of coffee in one hand and a red pen in the other. “Reporting, sir,” I saluted to him.

“Sit down, Jack.” I sat. “We’ve got some news about the … It’s still so weird to say this… the aliens.”

He was right. If you would’ve told me six months ago, I’d have said that you were insane to say aliens would be heading towards Earth, let alone that aliens even existed.

“Yeah?” I croaked, “What is it? Do we know where they’re going?”

“They’re coming here, Jack. To D.C. They’re landing at the reflecting pool in the Mall. I… I think we need to get ready. I mean, they’ve circled around the Moon for three days, but it’s only a matter of time before they make their way down through the atmosphere.” He tossed over some papers depicting the transmissions from the last couple days.

“How about this one, Hugh? This looks nice.”

*Tapping on glass*

“Muriel, I’ve told you already. I don’t want oil with my water. Doctor Stevens told me I need to watch my hydrocarbon intake. That’s proving to be a little difficult on this planet, but…”

“Wait! Hubert! Look at this one. There’s a giant body of water here next to this big… Oh… Wow. They must be really compensating for something here.”

“Oh Muriel, don’t be crude. I’m sure it’s just a… Whoa! Yeah, no kidding. You think they’re all square and pointy like that at the end?”

“I feel sorry for the female of the species, that’s all I can say. Anyway, we’ll stop next to that… thing… and get some water in the pool next to it. Oh! Look at that big, white house down the street. Maybe we could stop in there and get something for calbax. I’m starving.”


Come back next week for the conclusion of “Hi! My Name Is _____.”

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