“God damn it. Will someone get this kid a working computer?! This is the pentagon for chrissakes! We’ve got to have one somewhere. A typewriter? Anything?”
He fiddled around for a second or two.
“Ah. Here we are sir. My apologies. Came out with this.”
“Hubert. Hubert! Do you even know where we’re going? We’ve been stuck in this system for three flopnars! You don’t even know where we are. Won’t you just look at the map?”
“God damnit Muriel! No I won’t look at the map! We’re in ZZ9 Plural Z-Alpha. I’ve told you that. We’re just passing through on the way to Betelgeuse because we need to stop for water. I just have to find the right planet.”
“Well, Hugh, we could stop and ask for directions if you weren’t so darn stubborn!”
“Here! This is the one!” A light tapping could be heard in the recording, like a fingernail on glass. “Terra. That’s where we need to go. Oh… It looks like most of the water’s mixed in with this… plastic substance. We’ll need to stop at a clean source. We’ll find something when we get closer.”
The transmission cut off there.
“Sirs. If you don’t mind me stating the obvious, I think that we’ve found the first recorded instance of alien life in the universe.” The kid pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. “Smartass,” I thought.
I looked up over at the President. His hands were forming a pyramid in front of his face, thumbs resting on the tip of his nose. “When is that transmission from?” he asked.
“From when I first got here, sir. About three days ago.”
“Three days? Three days?? You mean to tell me that’s all you got in three days? They could have came and went by now! Get to work on figuring out the last three days worth of signals. I want to know the exact square inch of land those… those things are going to land on. General?”
“Yeah,” I swung around in my chair to face him, trying to sound more awake than I actually was.
“Get a team of your best soldiers ready. I want you there before they land. Got it?”
“Yes sir.” I stood up, clicked my heels together, and saluted.
The room grew quiet. Too quiet. All of a sudden, one of the Secret Service agents next to the President began laughing hysterically. He then proceeded to point towards me.
I looked down. “Ah,” I reached to my crotch and pulled my robe together once more. It must’ve come undone while I was sitting in the chair. “There we are.” I clicked my heels and saluted once more, this time a little more professionally.
Check back again tomorrow for the next installment of “Hi! My Name Is _____.”