Let’s Talk About Suspenders

It might surprise you to learn that today marks the first occasion of me wearing suspenders for an extended period of time.

Yes, yes, I know. I’m a hipster, so I should be wearing suspenders all the time.

But no, not really. Hipsters that wear suspenders actually really bother me. They’ve always got huge mustaches that twirl up around their cheeks. They always wear fedoras that rest gently on their heads. And they always have pants that are way too tight for a human being to comfortably wear.

Well, I’m glad to say that today, that feeling has changed.

Holy shit, guys.

These suspenders are amazing.

I’m wearing pants, right? Obviously, or I wouldn’t be able to wear the suspenders. But it doesn’t feel like I’m wearing pants at all! It’s amazing! There’s nothing super tight wrapped around my waist, constricting around me like a burmese python. There’s nothing that I have to unbuckle to take off my pants. It’s just two, simple elastic bands wrapped around my shoulders.



I really can’t tell you enough.

These suspenders. Holy crap. These suspenders.

It kinda makes me wonder why they ever fell out of fashion in the first place. I mean, I get it. They’re not very ‘cool’, but they’re comfortable as hell. Since when should we sacrifice comfort for coolness?

No more, I say. Today, tomorrow, next week, next YEAR. Suspenders.

Well, I say that, but there are some down sides. I haven’t actually experienced this yet, but there will come a time when I have to take off my pants. I know there will. How will I achieve that? I really have no idea. I mean, do I have to unsnap the suspenders from the front and the back? Do I just slide them off my shoulders? How does this work?

Also, I’m having an issue of my pants coming too far up. I’ve loosened them up as far as they can go, but it’s not really loose enough. I did get these from my grandpa. Maybe they’re too small. Do they make different sizes of suspenders? Can I get bigger ones so that my pants actually sit at my hips instead of above them? I’m kind of in a constant state of wedgie, and it’s pretty much negating the whole ‘comfort’ factor.

But you know what? I’ll figure it out. It’ll take time, I’m sure, but one day I’ll be wearing suspenders every day.

It may be when I’m 28.

It may be when I’m 80.

But one day.

Mark my words.

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